Death by asdfghjkl

heathicorn:

apparently some guy named mark was trying to tell my mom he needed to speak with my dad about any financial transactions my mom was making because he was the man of the house and she did not take kindly to his implying that my dad was the primary breadwinner/person in charge in our family so

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ugly:

faketual:

Perks of dating me: I’ll let you sleep on my boobs

done deal

de-rock-goddess:

tastefullyoffensive:

[via]

IVE NEVER DONE SO MUCH DAMAGE WITH ONE FINGER 

calciumwaves:

IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT AND THERE WAS A KNOCK AT MY DOOR SO I CAUTIOUSLY OPENED THE DOOR THEN TWO DRUNKEN GUYS SHOUTED “SURPRISE” THEN LOOKED AT ME FOR A MOMENT AND WENT “FUCK WE’RE AT THE WRONG HOUSE” AND RAN AWAY DOWN THE STREET OH MY GOD

how to get a boyfriend

neptunain:

put peanut butter on a pinecone and roll it in bird seed. hang it up outside. wait.

and suddenly i realised…

denchgang:

…i was my own problematic fave

slydigged:

sunglasses emoji only wears his shades to hide the tears

american-teen:

onlylolgifs:

roller coaster costume

I seriously thought they were on a fake roller coaster

aimso:

Apparently how people feel after waking up from naps.

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How I feel after waking up from naps.

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#STEVEN MOFFAT

guy:

dinosaurs didn’t follow my blog and now they’re extinct

coincidence??? i think not

i-am-misha-too:

jonnovstheinternet:

misspelledlife:

SLAAAAY TORONTO IM SO PROUD OF THIS

I’m starting to think Canadians are the best people ever

dipstick

squarlo:

michellehoebama2:

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FIRST SENTENCE IS

WHAT ARE YOU DOING REBECCA
i just have a headache mom
WHY DO YOU HAVE A HEADACHE REBECCA

suctioning:

Teacher: sit down
Me: drank